Culiacán pirate files lawsuit against the Sky for having him work double shifts in July

The Pirate of Culiacán has decided to sue Heaven, specifically the Department of Management of Famous Souls, for forcing him to work double shifts during the month of July, a month in which—as we all know—spiritual activity increases with parties, heat, and mystical chaos.

For a few days now, the famous "Sinaloan Charon" has been working overtime to get all the work done this month, transporting lost souls in his flying boat, a seemingly endless task during this peak season of the afterlife.

No #Meteorite , it was the Pirate of Culiacán in his truck crossing the skies to take his next passenger to the afterlife pic.twitter.com/5WDExBRG1m

— I'm a scoundrel, I'm a gentleman (@_el_baaadillo) April 16, 2025

The Pirate now looks like a roulette player

" They don't let me rest even a little. Between prayers, requiems, and urgent news, I haven't even been able to get a single day's worth of heavenly beer. This is spiritual exploitation! " he complained, visibly translucent, from the Cloud 3B break room.

The Pirate's legal team—made up of Elvis Presley, Juan Gabriel, and a pair of lawyers reincarnated as viral TikTok dogs—filed a formal complaint before the Celestial Supreme Court, accusing Heaven of labor exploitation, post-mortem emotional manipulation, and not even respecting the Sunday rest they themselves established in Genesis.

" Look, if in life you were an icon of chaos and the phrase 'I'm crazy, man,' what did you expect in the afterlife? A job with air conditioning and unionized hours?" retorted an archangel specialized in celestial law, well-versed in legal chicanery.

The Pirate of Culiacán is hard at work. RIP Hulk Hogan and Ozzy Osbourne. pic.twitter.com/4zYRogfVCx

— Freak of Moon (@Freak_of_Moon) July 24, 2025

While the trial is underway, El Pirata has been temporarily relocated as a DJ on a floating cloud, livening up afternoon parties, graduation parties, and ethereal soirees with his official playlist of corridos tumbados and praise remixes.

With this lawsuit, Paradise's budget is at risk of cuts, especially in the Express Miracles and Angels with Harps departments, which has raised concerns among residents of the afterlife.

And just to be up to date: now it was a mayor of Oaxaca who was caught cheating in the middle of a public event.

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