Parenting issue: 'Should I let my son (10) go on holiday with his friend?'

Raising children, if only we had a manual. Parenthood is accompanied by both intense moments of happiness and a host of worries and dilemmas. That's why Sofie Vissers, editor-in-chief of J/M Ouders and mother of two, answers a parenting question from parents every week for Metro . This week's question from Amarinde (42): "Should I let my son (10) go on vacation with his boyfriend?"

Sofie comes to the rescue.

My son Bram is 10 years old and in the seventh grade. He has a best friend, Sem, with whom he spends a lot of time, both at school and outside of school. I'm glad he's found a buddy he gets along with so well. Christmas break is coming up, and recently, Bram came home with the news that Sem had asked him to join their family on a few days' holiday in Spain. His parents agreed, and Bram was thrilled.

Yet I immediately felt resistance. This is mainly due to how I feel about Sem's parents. They're generally nice, but I disagree with their parenting style. They're very relaxed, let Sem make a lot of decisions for himself, and don't seem to worry much. I even find them a bit antisocial at times: Sem often plays here, but they never invite Bram unless I explicitly ask. They also never participate in school activities and show little interest in others.

The idea of ​​Bram going without us is difficult for me. I wonder if they would really take good care of him, if he would feel comfortable there. My husband thinks I'm exaggerating and says I see obstacles, but Bram is only 10, and I feel responsible for him. I want him to have that experience with his friend, but my gut tells me no. At the same time, I don't want to disappoint him. I keep debating: should I let him go, or should I keep him home?

" Tough dilemma! Your son is only 10 years old, and the idea of ​​him leaving without you, with a family you don't fully trust, is naturally stressful.

At the same time, this is also a time to consider Bram's needs. Children this age are increasingly beginning to explore their social world outside the family. A few days' vacation with another family can contribute to his independence, self-confidence, and social skills, provided the conditions are safe and familiar.

Your concerns are primarily about Sem's parents. First, try to clarify what your concerns are: are they specific risks (such as insufficient supervision, unsafe situations, poor communication), or primarily a difference in parenting style and values?

Different parenting styles don't have to be problematic for a short vacation, as long as Bram is treated respectfully. An intermediate step could be to first talk to Sem's parents. Ask about their plans: where are they staying, what does their week look like, how do they handle rules, food, sleep, and supervision? You can also mention what's important to Bram, for example, regular bedtimes or allowing him to call you. This way, you can better assess whether your concerns are justified or related to unfamiliarity.

If you still don't feel comfortable after that conversation, it's wise to follow your intuition. Children often sense when their parents disagree with something. Then you can work with Bram to find an alternative, such as a sleepover or a day together at a campsite later in the holiday. This way, you'll give him space, but within a framework that feels safe for you.

So be open, communicate clearly, and take your own feelings seriously, but also have faith in Bram and the world around him. Happy Christmas holidays!

Read the most read article of the week on J/M Parents: How Inge Poell (50), a single mother with three kids and an empty bank account, has been traveling the world for ten years

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• Jack (7), Emma's son, often doesn't feel like going to a party when he's invited. Should she force him to go anyway?
• What if your adult child doesn't help with the housework? You still have to run the house together and teach your children some responsibility. How do you do that?