Are you looking for a co-founder? Psychologist explains the 5 red flags you should look out for

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It's hard to beat the rush of brainstorming a brilliant business idea. Even harder to imagine parting ways with a co-founder. Dr. Matthew Jones, a startup leadership psychologist who coaches co-founders, explains that serious conflicts between CEOs pose "an existential threat to the company's very existence."

If you don't get along with your co-founder, legal disputes over control of the company can arise. In the worst case, the company will be shut down entirely.

"That's the biggest net loss: everyone goes home, all the employees are laid off, investors lose money," says Jones. "These are situations I want to avoid with my teams at all costs.

One of the best ways to avoid years of financial and emotional pain is to choose the right business partner from the start. "It's important to know your own psychology," says Jones, including what values ​​are important to you. There are also a few communication mistakes that affect all entrepreneurs, such as not discussing certain details before committing.

Much like a marriage, it's impossible to predict how high pressure will affect and change co-founders. However, there are some warning signs co-founders can look out for before committing to a legal relationship .

Research shows that there are downsides to running a business with a best friend , spouse, or family member, Jones says. Those who do it successfully are those who "keep their eyes wide open," Jones says, "and are aware that this will fundamentally change some aspects of the relationship."

When founders prioritize business growth, they may at some point have to give very direct professional feedback that could hurt the other co-founder on a personal level. If you can't imagine saying something like that to your childhood friend or younger sibling, it's a sign you should reconsider a business relationship.

Avoiding the possibility of change can cause even more pain in the long run. Some of Jones' clients have found it "unbearable" to grieve the loss of a business relationship and a deep friendship simultaneously.

Doing business with someone who is self-centered—a status-seeker or someone who needs a lot of praise—isn't necessarily a reason to end the relationship, Jones says.

It becomes problematic when the relationship feels one-sided and lacks natural give-and-take. If you already realize the other person isn't willing to give in a little or meet you halfway, things will only get worse.

Jones says this is especially concerning when founders are trying to please others. "It's easy to fall into that role and then later find it incredibly limiting," he said.

He's found that co-founders are very similar in the early stages, during a company's honeymoon phase. Later, however, one person, usually the one trying to keep the peace, may begin to grapple with the power dynamics at play. The consequences of speaking up more can be unpleasant, especially if the other person has narcissistic traits.

Every thriving business relies on regular feedback, especially negative feedback.

"If co-founders notice a lot of defensiveness, especially early in the relationship, that's a big red flag," says Jones. "This will only get worse under pressure.

To evolve, you have to open each other's eyes when the other person isn't meeting your expectations. If the other person can't stand that, it means they can't evolve. That's the death knell for a growing company.

"This relationship really needs to change," Jones said. "It needs to change, not just once."

Jones said that commitment inconsistencies are a common cause of conflict. Often, the problem has more to do with communication than morale.

He cites an example he frequently observes in founding teams: In the excitement of the initial phase, one person makes grandiose promises. They say they have a fantastic network that will make fundraising a breeze. What they don't mention is that they don't intend to actually lead the fundraising, but rather just make contacts. Keyword: conflict.

Co-founders can avoid these problems "by being detailed and specific about commitment," he said. This is especially important when it comes to factors like work-life balance. Co-founders need to be open about how much of their lives they want to dedicate to the company. If one person is fully focused on the business while the other wants to finish work at 5 p.m. to see their family, this discrepancy poses a problem if it's never been discussed.

These conversations also give founders a chance to spot a more subtle red flag, Jones says: a lack of interest. If they only want to see a shallow, purely business-like version, the relationship could become complicated if one of the co-founders' lives changes, for example, if a founder becomes ill or needs to care for a family member.

Running a business is a whole different kind of pressure, which can cause communication weaknesses and very different reactions to stress. That's why Jones strongly recommends a joint trial project, ideally lasting a few months or even a quarter, during which roles and responsibilities need to be clarified."

The emotional rollercoaster ride that a joint startup goes through can't be perfectly recreated, he says. "But being able to go through the ups and downs with someone reveals more about their deeper character than superficial pleasantries."